Helping a Friend Heal…With Compassionate Listening

Healing with Compassionate Listening - 

For ourselves & others

Facing uncomfortable feelings helps them transform – but for that to happen, we have to create safety

A short meditation for facing uncomfortable feelings - from our group meditation the other week.

Energy & Self Mastery - Healing emotions

 

When there’s something moving for us and we finally realize that the life situation we’ve found ourselves in isn’t here to hurt us, it’s here to help us heal – the next step is facing the hidden feelings that have been brought to the surface for us. 

But it’s not comfortable and we don’t always want to sit with it alone. That’s where it can help to have a partner. Someone who can call us back to ourselves. Hold the space and hear us while we feel the uncomfortable feelings. Someone who can create safety, so that those feelings can surface – without taking us over.

Our system knows when our emotions are a threat and when they risk overwhelming us. For many of us there are fail-safe protections in place – highly intelligent unconscious mechanisms that run patterns, protecting us from accessing our emotions. 

When we have an opportunity to sit with our uncomfortable feelings and allow them space to express, the system needs real safety. 

What can create safety is compassionate listening in a partner.

Compassionate listening is listening with full allowing.

– That means no FRAPPING (no fixing, no rescuing, no advising, no projecting our own stuff onto someone else.  

– It means no judgement.

– Listening as unconditional love means we have no agenda for the other person.

– No desire to bring them round to our point of view

– We let go of whether they will let us help them in the way we want to

– We do not try to get them to see things a certain way or to take certain actions

 

We really do just listen, with love. And hold the space.

 

What pain needs to hear, when it’s expressing is:

  • I see you.

  • I hear you

  • I understand

  • Of course you would be hurting this way

  • No. It’s not ok, what you experienced.

  • I’m sorry.

  • I love you.

  • What’s true for you right now in this moment?

 

And if the answer that comes – either as emotion, or story or sensation – is anything less than peaceful, then round we go again… until there is no more to be heard in the moment.

Holding space is one of the most powerful ways to meet someone and help them heal themselves.

 

How to Change What's Happening in a difficult situation - by turning within & facing our emotions

Changing what's happening in a 'life moment' - by turning within and doing our inner work

When we cannot change what’s happening to us through controlling a situation or controlling other people, when we find ourselves getting angry and blaming others for what we’re going through… those are signposts that there’s inner work to do and it’s time to turn within.

 

Using our triggers to heal – letting go of what’s happening ‘out there’ and turning within

The way I work with information that triggers me (when I remember to let go of what is going on outside of me and have that ‘ohhh, hang on moment’ realization I’m running a pattern)

–  Own the emotions that arise

– Let them move 

– Face them

– Feel them

– Let them move through me. 

– Stop focusing on what triggered me and focus on how I’m feeling about it

First I have to remember to do this! And that takes practice, training and – when my resistance is in control – often a friend or someone to prompt me to notice that I’m running a pattern here that wants healing. And life is trying to get my attention. 

example…

Healing and transforming in every day situations 

Sometimes a person will react to a driver slowing them down by getting angry with that driver. By trying to control the car in front – tailgating, pushing, pulling out to take-over and demonstrating their frustration. Making the car in front not just wrong, but the source of all that person’s unhealed frustration at being held back in their life. For example. 

Other times the same person will notice that they are not in flow and there’s a message coming back to them. From their own consciousness. Not about how they can control the situation. But about how they can’t. And that it’s time to look at the emotions and angry thoughts, the judgements and frustrations that are arising. To turn within and face the uncomfortable feelings.

 

And when they do they are healing. Not just how they felt about that moment and the car in front. But about how they felt their whole lives, about being held back. And the very first time it ever happened for them. In this life. In other lives. Before we were ever alive

 

Turning within can instantly change what’s happening outside of us.

Facing and feeling the uncomfortable feelings can immediately release us from whatever is going on around us. Because what is going on around us was there to help us heal. To trigger us to feel something that is hidden, inaccessible any other way. But that’s been blocking us lately and is ready to transform.

On the other side of facing uncomfortable feelings is expansion. Delimitation. Freedom and new life energy.

Often, riding on that are

  • New emotional and behavioural maps for how to respond in life’s challenging situations

Leading to empowerment and sovereignty

  • Gifts and abilities – new access to more of our natural life force, puts us in daily touch with who we are and the gifts and abilities connected to our creativity. Imagination. Ability to think clearly, get guidance and direction. Sense and perceive energy. OR deepen our Self Awareness.

HOW TO HEAL WHEN WE'RE TRIGGERED

This ability to use life’s triggering situations to heal ourselves, rather than energize them and make them worse – it’s vital part in our path of Self Mastery.

But first we have to interrupt our reactions and ask: 

– What is this showing me

– What are my reactions showing me

– What are the thoughts, expectations and beliefs I have around this

– What are the hidden feelings I am struggling to reach or don’t want to face

When we’re blaming others for what’s happening to us, although it’s natural and an important part of healing and transformation, we’ve got further to go. Because we’re giving our power away to them. When we are the sole author of our reality.

And can reclaim that authority and rewrite reality by owning, facing and transforming what’s happening within us, with love and compassion.

 

Reclaiming Sovereignty - using social media to heal ourselves, rather than fix the world.

How to stop giving our power away to other people’s ‘ultimate truth about what’s going on’ – by healing what it triggers in us

The difference between truth and a collection of facts.

So much of what people tell each other is the ultimate truth is coming from an unhealed place. Facts are looked for and found – because if you have an agenda you will always find the facts you need to substantiate it. Why? Because it takes true objectivity and diligent research to find facts that are neutral and unbiased. And because when you find facts you can put them together the way you want to and use them to argue your truth. What you find and don’t find, what you include and omit, how you connect these facts together, all creates a ‘truth’ which is not the same as fact. It’s a weaving wearing the appearance of truth.

And then you share that weaving and lots of people think – aha. There are facts here. This is the same as truth. Therefore this person’s agenda’d version of the truth – their personal narrative – must be the actual truth.

And before you know it you have a theory being shared as an ultimate truth by people who aren’t doing their own, unbiased, thorough research into something. But being influenced by what they are told.

Why are we influenced by these narratives? Because someone with an agenda has passion, passion gives good rhetoric, often we respond to the energy behind something. And there can be lots of different ways we acknowledge someone’s authority. Look, they’re popular, they are an academic, they are a scientist, they are a famous public figure.

They – whoever they are – are human. And not us. And their agenda is not necessarily ours. But if we’re drawn to it then maybe there’s something in there that will help us heal.

And we’re masters at rewriting our reality. When we heal what’s going on within us, we change what’s happening in our world.

Especially because what’s happening outside of us – personally and globally – is happening to give us an opportunity to heal. And for no other reason. 

This is what comes through for today. I hope you’ve enjoyed the read 🙂

 

With Love 

 

Lucy x

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